after your last breath…
My dad found out on his seventy-sixth birthday, April 30, 2013, that he had small cell lung cancer. The doctors thought they could treat it relatively easy and that he’d have no long lasting effects of the disease. He hadn’t smoked in over thirty years and was still working full-time. Up to that point – he’d been healthy and could do anything he wanted to do. He loved to fish, camp and play golf. After three months of treatments, and the loss of thirty pounds, we got the news that things didn’t look so good. He was very committed to beat this thing and get back to work soon. In week four of his last month, we had to move him from the hospital to hospice care. One lung had filled up completely and the other about half. Melanie, Betty Terry (his sister), Sam (Betty’s husband), Betty Lou (his wife) and I took turns around the clock to make sure his last days were comfortable. Several family members made the trip to Wichita Falls, TX to see him for one last time.
My sons, Jared and Travis came to visit and pray for dad. My cousin, Rick Terry, also came to see him and reminisce about the good ole days. The first couple of days in hospice were pretty good, dad loved the vanilla Frosty from Wendy’s and Melanie made the run to get him one on Tuesday, however, by day four (Thursday) he had slipped into a coma and didn’t wake up again. Then an amazing thing happened. On Saturday morning around noon his sister had returned to their house to get some sleep and Betty Lou came to the hospice room to spend the day with dad. He made a last move. I was sitting where I could see dad, Betty Lou was sitting beside him, holding his hand and talking with me. I thought I saw him close his mouth as if he was going to say something.
I didn’t say anything until he did it again. It was at that moment I said to Betty Lou, “I think he wants a kiss”, she stood up and started kissing him and holding his head. I stood up too and stood beside them and at that moment, his breathing slowed and within just a few more moments, he had left us. Very peaceful but incredibly impactful. In just a few moments, Melanie returned to the room after visiting with one of the beautiful people that worked at the center and realized what had taken place and we shared again what had happened in those final moments. We contacted dads sister, Betty, and her husband, Sam, and we all gathered around him and said our final goodbyes. August, 24, 2013 – almost four months to the day from when he found out he had cancer, he was gone.
My favorite growing up picture when we were all younger. Dad, mom, Bobby Gene, Jr., Samuel Lee and me (Stephen Douglas).
Wednesday, October 1, 2014 was a day that changed my life forever. In so many ways. As Melanie and I visited with mom during that afternoon, she made the comment to us, “I’m dying”. We didn’t know just how she meant that, was it a statement or a question? We tried to assure her that although she might be, we’d be there to hold her hand if she was. She also talked about her mom and sister a lot that afternoon, that were both already in heaven. One of the the things we’d done earlier in the day was show her a picture of her brother, and asked her who that was and she said, “my brother”.
Bob and Paula were on one side of the bed, Melanie and I on the other. As we all had ahold of mom’s hands and I had one of my hands on her cheek, she slipped into her eternity in just a few minutes. At that moment, a tear came out of one of her closed eyes and rolled over my hand. Time stopped.
Nothing can prepare you for these moments. Nothing.
Now what?
At this stage in my life, I believe that the legacy you leave is all you truly have to leave. So don’t blow it.
Having been in various leadership roles since the age of fifteen, I’ve always been drawn to personal development and influence. Knowing how to lead people isn’t something you’re born with, you have to be hungry to learn from the best and work on it daily.
John Maxwell, the worlds’ leadership authority has been the biggest leadership influence in my life. I’ve been reading his books for over twenty five years, and was lucky enough last year to be in his inner circle and receive personal mentorship from him.
I have always wanted to write a book. To share a lifetime of experiences and learning in order to help others live this life a better person than they were yesterday and encourage them to leave a memorable legacy when there are no more tomorrows.
A few months after mom’s funeral, as I was driving home from work and reflecting on my experiences of the last eighteen months, it came to me. I was there when dad took his last breath, I was there when mom took her last breath.
Write a book.