He died as he had lived. Strong, resilient and no complaining. Affirming his love for us by word and deed. Until the very end. It was January 6, 2024 that our family hero and warrior fought his last fight, took his last breath and met his creator. Our world became dimmer and life as we knew it would never be the same.
Ralph Watts Roll December 31, 1934 – January 6, 2024
Here is a video that we played at his services. It really encompasses Dad’s life and and the things that were important to him over the years:
His military service, though short in time, was intense in a way we will never understand or know. He kept that to himself.
He carried moments and memories of long ago that feel just like yesterday. How do I know? Because certain images or words would trigger him and immediately, he would say something in a voice so soft, I hardly recognize it. I’d look at him intently, trying to listen better and glimpse tears glistening in his eyes. Bits and pieces of time spent in the Air Force came flooding back. Emotions spilling from a man who was usually so stoic. Years of silence and carrying burdens took its toll.
Long ago, whenever we asked about his time in the service, he always said he just ‘pushed papers at a desk’. But that doesn’t make you have nightmares. That doesn’t make you blink back tears. That doesn’t make you say, “I’ll never tell what happened…you’ll never know”. Over his last 4-5 years a few stories have been shared, mostly at unexpected times. Easy stories, that only hint at what he did. He would never share the hard ones. I’d like to know, though. I felt a piece of his pain when I saw him struggling with memories.
A few years ago, we took him to the WW2 Museum in New Orleans. He saw a full-sized C-47 airplane hanging from the ceiling and he immediately began telling us everything about the plane, down to the details of the inside and where everyone sat. The gunner, the navigator, the flight mechanic….. I began reading aloud from an information board that detailed a navigator’s job. Dad said,” I did that.” I replied, “I didn’t know!” And he said, “There are a lot of things you don’t know.” And then he told a story of being asked by ‘Top Brass’ one morning if he thought he could navigate as they were short a navigator. And Dad (who was never afraid to tackle anything) replied, “I’m sure I can!” …finished his breakfast and found himself in an airplane, like the one we were looking at in the museum, navigating. And it wasn’t the only time he flew as navigator. There were other rooms in the museum depicting wartime scenes in the museum that Dad would not stay in. The memories were too much.
I bought him several books to read a few years back. Lone Survivor by Macus Luttrell, was one. The others were biographies written by pilots actively serving during the time Atomic Bombs were tested around Eniwetok (Marshall Islands) and the end of the Korean War. Watching him read, I would see him quietly wipe tears rolling down his cheek.
We were watching a TV show where a helicopter crashed. Dad said, “I was in a helicopter that went down in the ocean by the islands. From the air were scouting for large 3-foot clams that we would later dive down and bring up for ‘top brass’ who were visiting to take home, so we were over fairly shallow water. The helicopter didn’t fare so well, but everyone got out safely.”
Another time we were talking about Atomic bombs and dad said , “They tell you to just put your hands up in front of your face and close your eyes… even then you can see the every single bone in your hand.” ” They gave us radiation dosimeters to monitor the amount of radiation our bodies had and after I maxed mine out the first week, and another one the next week, they soon just said forget it.”
There are many things that go on around the world in the military that we, as citizens, never know about. Some are just day-to-day events, and others life changing.
When he joined the Air Force, Dad wanted to be a pilot, but he was denied because he was color blind. Back then, that was enough to disqualify you. My dad served during the Korean conflict, stationed on Eniwetok in the Marshall Islands. He was an Atomic Veteran. His military records, as well as others that served with him on the testing grounds, mysteriously burned at the supposedly secure government vault in St Louis, MO.
At 100% disabled, his body reflected what was required of him. The doctors say he was a walking miracle. His body basically held up by sheer will. The physical toll on his body – cancer, degenerative bone disease, and auto-immune issues are linked to radiation exposure by working and being involved in Atomic Bomb detonations and dealing with the aftermath. He had just recently went to the Veterans Administration for help because he was told to never say a word about his duties when he got out. Ever. Even to his doctors. With his top security clearance, he took an oath to never talk about it, or it would be considered an act of treason with consequences that would affect not only him but his family. It took us a while to convince him that after 50+ years, he could break his silence and at least get help from the VA. Because his military records were burned and the VA had no record of his service, the only way he received help was because he had saved his DD214 document.
I’m confident he served in the military as he lived- as a son, brother, husband, father, and grandfather ….. he gave it his very best; all out -never giving up. Strong, resilient, faithful to God, family, and his country. And the American flag still flies proudly in his front yard – a reminder of his sacrifice and service to our country. We recently purchased and proudly fly the flag at our home. It is a daily reminder of not only my dad, but the many men and women who served and still serve.
Some gave a little, some gave a lot, some gave it all.
I am thankful and grateful for the service of our military, that provides us all the freedoms we have today and secures it for future generations. Thank you to all Veterans. Thank you for the physical and mental pain you endure every day. Pain that you traded to protect your family, friends, and country. You are my heroes!
A special thank you to my favorite veteran, my dad. I love you dad, see you again someday.
Ralph Watts Roll, Atomic Veteran, Korean War Veteran, Melanie Janell Roll Black, daughter of this hero!
